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Robert Stethem was born in Waterbury, Connecticut, but grew up in the Pinefield section of Waldorf, Maryland. He was one of three children. His father and two brothers also served in the U.S. Navy, one of them serving as a US Navy SEAL. His mother was a civilian Navy administrator. He graduated from Thomas Stone High School in 1980, where he played defensive back on the varsity and junior varsity football teams. He joined the Navy shortly after graduating.

In the Navy, he was assigned to the Navy Underwater Construction Team ONE in Norfolk, Virginia. He was returning from an assignment in Nea Makri, Greece aboard TWA Flight 847 when it was hijacked by members of the Lebanese terrorist organization Hezbollah. They demanded the release of 766 Lebanese and Palestinian prisoners held by Israel.