Memoria

Memory Loss

In 1978 at the age of 18, I suffered acute memory loss after I woke up from an automobile collision. I had no memories of my childhood, relatives, friends, teachers, classmates, coworkers, neighbors or any sort of biographical memories associated with episodic memory. I did have a memory of 'dying' during the car collision and traveling to a sphere of light within the scope of infinity. The man who identified himself as my biological Father stated he had heard it before due to a cardiac condition I had grown up with. He made the profound statement to me, "You died a 1000 times while you were growing up. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen a good portion of those deaths with my own eyes." According to him, I had been pronounced dead by two medical Doctors at the same time when I was seven years old. My body and battle with my cardiac condition had mystified the professionals as well as members of my own family.

At the age of 18, I was re-introduced to psychologist's I had been working with since the age of 14. They had been expecting the memory loss but not as acutely as it had occurred. The cardiac condition and the 'countless' times I had slipped into unconsciousness with a loss of vital signs had been traumatic causing extreme physical pain. They were expecting some form of 'disassociation' due to the physical torture of my medical condition. I had wanted to put the past behind me and move on with my life. The medical Doctors had told my family that if I made it to adult age - then I had a chance of living a relatively normal life without cardiac complications. The side effect to the 11 years of battling the medical condition was memory loss.

Near Death Experience

When I told my Doctors about the 'trip' to the sphere of light they recommended a book by a Doctor from Georgia they were aware of who had studied such testimonials. It was my Doctors who first mentioned an autobiographical writing called 'memoir' to journal my memories of the 'trip into the sphere of light.' That is when I looked up the word in the dictionary to get an understanding of what they were suggesting. I thought it was strange that I was suffering 'memory loss' yet - they were recommending a form of writing that depended on memories. Over the coming weeks, months and years - I learned to keep my 'mental' problem of my personal battle with 'memory loss' private. I couldn't tell people I was seeing 'psychologists' for the issue without people getting the wrong idea. That is when I came up with a saying I said many times from 1978 to 1990. I would tell people I had a medical condition which required Doctor visits involving problems with 'memoria.' The word sounded like 'diarrhea' and I felt the sound of it be associated with a medical condition would ward off unwanted questions. If anyone ever asked what 'memoria' was - I would tell them, "You don't want to know. Just pray you never get it. It is a bitch to live with." If anyone pried into the affair I would tell them it was 'constipation of the mind.' My 'near-death' experiences where due to a physical illness which resulted in a psychological sideeffect and handicap. I was used to working with the physical limitations of my medical condition since the age of 7. During the aftermath of my NDE at the age of 18, I had built intution and insticts I relied upon.

Dissociative Amnesia

Psychogenic amnesia, or dissociative amnesia, is defined in the literature as a memory disorder characterized by sudden retrograde autobiographical memory loss, said to occur for a period of time. The atypical clinical syndrome of the memory disorder (as opposed to organic amnesia) is that a person with psychogenic amnesia is profoundly unable to remember personal information about themself; there is a lack of conscious self-knowledge which affects even simple self-knowledge, such as who they are. Psychogenic amnesia is distinguished from organic amnesia in that it is supposed to result from a non organic cause; no structural brain damage or brain lesion should be evident but some form of psychological stress should precipitate the amnesia, however psychogenic amnesia as a memory disorder is controversial. Source: Wikipedia

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