Remembering Andy: Denial
In 1992, I had been preparing to travel to Seattle prior to hearing the song "Say Hello to Heaven." I hadn't heard the lyrics to the song. I just heard it was from a band named "Temple of the Dog." This was a theme Andy and I spoke of it often and he had asked to pen it into the lyrics of a song he was writing. I stopped my car and danced on the roof top as the first set of two songs played. I danced to the first song (Hunger Strike) prior to getting back into my car and hearing the second tune, "Say Hello to Heaven." I was in shock and went into denial in that moment. From 1992 to 2006 - I wouldn't listen to any Seattle based band.
Hope and a Promise
In 1992, when I contacted the friend from Seattle (Kurt) he felt I was doing myself wrong by not admitting to myself the 'bad news' and the extent of it. I told Kurt that if he ever mentioned Andy without referring to him as being 'out of touch' for now - I wouldn't speak to him again. He felt I needed to face reality. I reminded Kurt of how Andy and I met at the crossroads.
I told him, "Andy promised me a promise when we parted company and I am NOT going to let anything or anyone make me believe anything less. It was not good-bye when we part company in 1986 as much as it was until we meet again - one way or another. A part of him is alive and well forever and always. That is the part of him that shared himself with me. It was a soul's experience rather than a worldly experience. The heart and soul of the friend I love, adore, admire and cherish will find a way to keep his promise to me. Don't take away from the hope I live with for the sake of the promise his heart and soul owes me - for all the songs we share together.
From 1992 - to 1994 - it was never spoken of again. Then I heard of Kurt's passing and I buried any and all memories of my association with musicians from Seattle.
In 1996 - I had a weird and unusual dream when a spirit visited me in the night. When I woke up I couldn't remember much of who it was or what it was about. The dream was like a present that is marked "Do not open until" such and such time or such and such place. Someone had told me to look for a person standing on a bridge in the future. I was told the name and the birth day of this person. The birthday wasn't hard to forget. It was the same birthday as my Dad's birthday. (This was not the first time I had been told this in a dream. It came to me the first time in March of 1990. ) I was told the 'present of a vision' was a surprise for the sake of a promise given to me in the past.
I went on with my life and forgot all there was to know about Andy. Then in 2006 - the memories started waking up inside of me. For the first time - I allowed myself to admit Andy was gone from the world. I cried. Then I listened to the songs we spoke of in 1986. I was an amazing discovery to hear parts of our conversations laid out in tracks on an album to be immortalized through time. From 'Crown of Thorns' to 'Stargazer to 'Holy Roller' to 'Stardog Champion' - they are all bits and pieces of the conversations we shared that summer.
I found interviews where Stone Gossard and Kevin Wood shared their own sense of understanding about Andy's prophetic vision for his future.
The song lyrics to to Crown of Thorns were a reflection of Andy's prophetic vision he spoke of me with in 1986. There is another line in "Crown of Thorns' that reflects Andy's belief in reincarnation.
You see Mr. Faded Glory is once again doin' time.
I started wondering when, where and how I would see the heart and soul of Andy shinning once again in the world again. Then something happened that sparked recall of the dream I had hidden away from 1990 and 1996. Something happened that rang a bell and the name and the birth date came back to mind again.
